I graduated high school when I was 17. I started college when I was 17. It didn't last. I was immature for my age. I was on a great adventure but I had to fit in. It was important to me to be one of the crowd...to be accepted.

I worked it. I went to all the parties. I hobnobbed with all the frat brothers. I made sure everybody knew I was in the room. I drank. I partied. I made a fool of myself. Even though they didn't really want me, I got in to the fraternity. I was big man on campus!

I twitched. I have Tourette Syndrome as well as being autistic. I got made fun of. I went home after that first year, tail between my legs and cried. I never went back. There was nothing wrong with the school, it just wasn't for me. I didn't understand why.

I joined the Navy. I had excellent aptitude scores. I chose helicopter maintenance as my field of expertise. I hung out with all the other mechanics. We partied. We worked. We went to the Gulf of Oman. We lived together in close quarters for extended lengths of time. I thought I had friends there.

After one hitch, I left the Navy. Nobody said goodbye. Nobody would take me to the airport. Everybody was busy. Nothing was happening that day. I called a Navy buddy six months later. All he asked me was “What do you want?”

I was finally beginning to realize that nobody liked me. I didn't know why. I didn't know about autism or life on the spectrum. I was different and knew it. I eventually thought I was crazy. I drank. I drank a lot. What helped me to think I was fitting in for so long was now in it's beginning stages of isolating me.

That was okay with me then. I liked the taste of beer. I liked how I felt when I drank it, always to excess. It didn't bother me that people stayed away. I got to where I liked it that way. Big Bad Scott. Don't hang out with him.

I drank more and became increasingly more isolated. I saw people at work and that was it. I drank. Can you see the common theme here? The more I drank, the more isolated I became. Going to the golf course was an excuse to drink. Going to the bar was not for meeting people. You drink in bars so I went to bars to drink. A lot.

I got a computer. They were becoming popular. Didn't know anything about them. Blew up a couple. I entered what I will call an alternate reality. What was inside the computer was real while reality was becoming not real. I lived in front of the screen on dial-up speed.

I was a lonely guy. I drank at home. I sat in front of the computer. My Space was then just starting up. It's been a while. I found porn. I found a lot of porn...an endless supply. Being tired of rejection, I didn't date for 7½ years. I sat there and drank and looked at porn. To excess on every level. My fantasy became reality while reality became fantasy. It was bad. I still have a pornography addiction that I fight to this very day.

All of this and much more, all because I didn't know I was autistic. I hated and loathed myself.

That's when things changed. I came to Alaska. I met the girl who would become my wife. Through her I learned about autism and the spectrum. Because of her, I now am happy with myself. Because of Miss Kitty, I now like me.

It's been rough for her. She loves me for who and what I am, even with all my idiosyncrasies. She drug me forward to make me the person I am today. She is responsible for me being happy with me.

It's taken a toll on her. She dragged me kicking and screaming until she got sick. I thank her now the only way I can. By being a better person. By being with my wife. By being a team and a partner instead of making her accommodate my idiosyncrasies. By enjoying the time I have left with my one true love in life.

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