Hello Blogger world, it's been awhile. Actually, its been a damned long time.

Ya'll remember me. I learned to write here. I learned how to make art here from my wife, Kitty. I learned about who the hell I am as a person and as an autistic. It all started with us going homeless for a summer after my career got taken away. After three years here, I quit. My brain hurt and I couldn't write anymore. A lot of shit has happened since then.

We still have Norman. That pitiful little dog that shouldn't have made it through the first night we rescued him has turned into one hell of a companion and protector. He had been starved and abused to the point of death when I grabbed him that Christmas Eve. The lady just didn't want to deal with him dying on a holiday.

Ally is gone. She got tired of me being gone every summer trying to make a buck to get us through at least part of winter. She adopted our neighbor and stayed in Fairbanks. Yeah, we moved. After my last winter job ended in disaster when my brain didn't work right and I put a parked truck through a closed overhead door, we left the interior. We're down on the Kenai Peninsula now, in a little village named Ninilchik. It's beautiful country and we have a beautiful view of Mount ReDoubt across Cook Inlet.

To make a long story short, we went homeless again this summer. After a good 30+ year career in helicopters, it's gone for good. I'll most likely never work in aviation again. I can't seem to hold a job outside my field. Nobody wants to hire the old man I've turned in to anyway.

Seems like my body and brain have decided to fail at the same time.

My autism is now making me act more autistic.

My body feels broke down after a lifetime of hard work.

My brain no longer wants to operate these days.

All that stress of trying to fit in to the normal world and all the stress of not knowing if my helicopter would make it home all those decades

finally shut it down.

It's been hard on me these last several years. It's been even harder on my wife. While she's been sick, she has had to watch me go through all of this. Working harder every day and losing more traction by the hour.

And not listening.

Today is my birthday. I'm 58. Yay! My celebration is being spent in Soldotna at the regional hospital. I had an MRI and an EEG today. The doctors and technicians are looking at my brain. I'm not sure they'll see anything but cobwebs in there. I still have a psych eval to go through. Thanks to the Social Security Administration (believe it or not) for getting my eval moved up to the end of October. Same doctor, she just wouldn't see me before January. It's amazing what happens when you don't have private insurance anymore. The diagnosis will most likely be early onset Alzheimer's disease.

Right now, I'm sitting in my van by the coast listening to the rain come down while writing. I wish it were better circumstances to be here. I'm going to stay here tonight as I have another appointment tomorrow. (I get to see the autistic neurologist that told me I should do Yoga, Tai Chi, and whittle the first time I saw her.) I just hope I don't have a knock on the door in the middle of the night saying I have to move..

Or a gun in my face.

That's the reality of Alaska. The last frontier.

The Tweeker Zombie Apocalypse.

Speaking of zombies, Kitty is having a real shitty time right now. She couldn't come with me. We're caretakers at a campground. We've got some issues right now. Tweekers have targeted the property. There's a really nice boat still there. We're waiting for the owner to come get it. He can't get here fast enough. It's been scoped out hard enough that we are taking turns sleeping in our van next to the boat at night. We've already chased a couple sets of people off, a couple even had masks on believe it or not.

Anyway, I'm not there tonight. I'm here, 40 miles away. It may as well be 1000 miles. I can't help her. It's her and Norm. He chased off a couple of drinkin' quad runners today. She's had a couple people check on her today but it ain't enough. We had a generator brought to us day before yesterday. I had it running but it quit generating this morning. I wasn't able to work on it before I came here. Things are a bit shitty right now. All this, plus she got stung by a bee today. These aren't your ordinary honey bees. These things are mean. I got hit by one last week and still have a sore on my arm. Never felt anything like it. Kitty happens to be allergic to bee stings. I need to be home but she said no. Get my shit done.

Anyway,

That's my fucked up vent session. Thanks for listening.

These are pictures I took over the summer. There might be a few old ones too. My birthday present to ya'll!

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It's Darkest Before The Dawn