If you've been with me for a while you know I write about everything. The good, the bad the ups and downs. I try to keep things positive for all that read. I write about my life and how I'm learning. I can't do that today.

I am failing and failing miserably. Kitty doesn't have much time left. Her illness is progressing and she is in more pain every day. I've been in a desperate race to beat the clock financially. I've pretty much lost the race.

There's still no money coming in and tax return is still off in the distance. The bills are now piling up and not getting paid. I still don't have a job. I fill out applications and talk to people but nothing. If I find work now it will be too little too late.

I expect our checking account to be locked up next month for not making the payment on our line of credit. I went to a local help organization the other day to drop off aid applications. I was told that since I have no income, they can't help. That's funny because if I had an income I wouldn't need to ask for help.

Rent is due the first week of February. Most likely I won't have it. Right now, I'm worried about an eviction notice. I started this blog and my story while we were homeless in 2015. We made it this far and now I am floundering.

The stress shows. My body language and tone of voice show it. Everything I tried to do to make things better for my wife are about to be gone. I didn't learn how to multi-task well enough or fast enough. It looks like we are soon to be just another homeless statistic.

I keep trying but I'm just kind of watching the clock now. I keep trying to sell what we have left on local outlets and ebay. Nobody buys anymore.

We just got the word that Sam's Club is closing. There's another 100+ people going to be dumped into the job market.

Everything she taught me and I thought I was doing well. That's all about to go out the window. My wife has had a dream ever since she was a child that she would die on a park bench with no one even noticing her. My number one and only goal has been to make sure that doesn't happen. I don't even know about that anymore. It looks like more of a possibility every day now.

It's not fair, not to me but to her. She has always been the brains in our family. I've always been the autistic, resistant to change husband that fought her at every turn. Not intentionally, that's just been me my entire life. As much as I try and stop it, it has been ingrained in me too long. She doesn't deserve this. She has been nothing but good. I don't know how to get out of it now.

This will most likely be my last post for a while. Like I said, I try to keep this blog positive. I just don't see much positive to write about these days.

Thanks for reading. Hope to write to you soon again.