Have I ever told you about life before I came to Alaska? I've pretty much concentrated on the here and now. My trials and tribulations, accomplishments and even failures. It's been a long road on my journey to the here and now. Maybe it's time.

Most of...

To begin, I'm a recovering alcoholic. In March, I'll have 14 years sober. I come from a small town in Missouri, just outside of St. Louis. Midwest with Midwest values and life style. I lived there most of my life. Remember now, I only learned of my Spectrum Disorders after I came to Alaska.

these pictures...

I tried hard to fit in my entire life but it never worked. I knew a lot of people but had very few friends. I always seemed to be the third wheel or the kid waiting on the sideline to get in during the 4^th quarter. Instead of being me, I tried to fit in by doing what everybody else did. Since this was a typical Midwest bedroom community with not much to do, everybody partied. A lot. I fit in by partying harder than everybody.

Binges turned into a way of life. You never saw Scott without a beer in his hand. In the late 90's and early 00's, my drinking became a necessity of life. I couldn't function without it. I really wasn't functioning, period. I was getting to be a mess. I remember (sort of) watching the Rams during the playoffs prior to their Superbowl win and missing the entire second half of the best game of the post season. I didn't pass out or anything. Just don't remember it. Still don't to this day. That was the beginning of my drinking turning into a serious problem.

I took...

I sought out counseling for a while. My counselor was a good guy. I ended up bailing on him. He had the audacity to tell me that I had a drinking problem and needed to quit. He was right. Even though I was starting to look for help, I wasn't ready to accept the reality of what he had just told me. I didn't have a problem. I could quit any time I wanted. I quit for three days. Then I went on a tear to beat all tears.

In Galena...

A few years later, in 2004, I was working for a helicopter air ambulance service in downtown St. Louis. I was going through job after job because I never fit in anywhere and the grass was going to be greener on the other side of the fence. Anyway, I really didn't like this place, and the supervisor did not like me. He let me know it on many occasions.

With...

I didn't drink during the day but my disease had gotten so bad that I was just getting plain weird. Remember now, I'm an autistic that didn't know I was an autistic. I had Tourette Syndrome. I twitched. Especially when I was stressed. I was in a bad situation and at the height of my drinking career. I had a meltdown at work. It wasn't just a meltdown...this was trying to talk to one of the flight nurses about not feeling well then just breaking down into uncontrollable crying and hysteria. I was very lucky I happened to be working with professional medical people. This was bad enough that I took a ride to the emergency room in the back of an ambulance to a hospital in St. Louis that specialized in psychiatric care. This was bad. I was given an Atavan and a few minutes for everything to calm down. Then a counselor came in to talk to me and determined I could go home but I should seek counseling. I was a wreck.

My...

That was also the end of my drinking career. My brain finally learned I couldn't handle it anymore. The transformation had began but I had years of hell waiting for me on the other side. It was worth it.

Friend...

I've got to get moving for now. Stick around and I'll tell you all about my adventures with counselor's, psychiatrists, and coming face to face with me. All these years later, I'm still formulating my thoughts for that time frame while learning to live as an autistic in the normal world in my post career world.

Indra!

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