It's about 5:00am. The world is asleep, while here I sit. I don't know what to do anymore. Ebay is not selling this year. Our art is not selling this year. Nobody is buying at the holiday bazaars. The work my employer said I would get was given to someone else. I'm out looking for jobs but nobody is hiring. I don't care what Wall Street and the talking heads say...our economy is in the tank. We are hurting.

There is no income now. For the first time in my life the bills are now sitting on a shelf, piling up. I can't pay them. Soon, utility's will start being turned off. Failure is still not an option, but I have to tell you that I am scared. My wife is still sick, she was just starting to get better but now she is out of her meds. I have no possibility to replace them. We pawned her dad's ring a couple weeks ago to make rent. At this point, I don't see any way I will be able to get it back for her.

This is now my life after Obamacare. For those of you that have read this blog from the start, I lost not only my insurance but also my 30 year career on 1 September 2013 when the global company I worked for decided to pull out of Alaska rather than to bring our facility into compliance with the Affordable Care Act. Hope and Change? I got change alright. I don't see a whole lot of hope anymore.

Soon, rent will be due again. I hate to say it but I see an eviction coming sometime in the next couple of months. I'm going to Carl's Jr. to try and get a job today. It's fast food, won't cover the bills, but I have to try. I cannot put my wife into a tent again. The last time we went homeless was when Kitty started to get sick. She is going to die and I can't help but feel it's my fault.

When we first met, it seemed that I was the golden boy. Everything I touched was gold. Not so anymore. If it wasn't for my wife, we wouldn't have survived this far. I am nothing without her.

I don't know what to do anymore. My apology for my next statement but I feel screwed. We have been getting emergency food boxes the last three weeks. I can no longer put food on our table for us. We keep trying but have now joined so many others in our country that have gone through this. Obama's policies were a disaster for this country. Yeah, I know he still blames it on Bush but that time is long gone. Policies dating all the way back to Bill Clinton have destroyed us. We have no manufacturing base due to NAFTA. This country's only export now is war. We make bombs and bomb delivery systems.

I know what Trump says about bringing our country back. I don't see it happening. At least not any time soon. I'm not special. Many others have gone through this and many more are still to come before this country gets back on track, if it ever does. Our economy is false. People are living on debt now. Wall Street is nothing but speculation, there is nothing real or tangible there.

Like I said before, failure is not an option. I don't have a clue how we are going to get out of this mess. I don't have a clue how I am going to get the bills paid. I don't have a clue how we are going to survive. I do know that we will...somehow.

We will keep making art. I will keep looking for work. I will keep juggling what few dollars that are left between fuel for the truck and fuel for our home. We will survive. I don't know why God is putting us through this but I do know he has a reason for it. I will not quit and I will not give up. We will survive.

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